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Jewish World Review Jan. 29, 2013 / 18 Shevat, 5773 It's Time to Get Judgy About Incompetency By A. Barton Hinkle http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Politics is fleeting, but life's great mysteries are eternal. Let us contemplate a few. For starters: Why do we "write down" a phone number but "write someone up" for an infraction? When completing a task, why do we say "finish it up" instead of "finish it down"? It doesn't make sense, if you stop and think about it. Consider the following example: "Kevin, do you have the numbers for the quarterly report yet?" "Sure, Phil. Lemme just finish up this last spreadsheet." This falls naturally upon the ear because we are used to hearing it. But wouldn't the following sound a lot better? "Kevin, do you have the numbers for the quarterly report yet?" "Go suck an egg, Phil. Do your own math for a change, you lazy slug." Yes, that would indeed sound a lot better. But since that would get Kevin fired faster than you can say "involuntary separation from employer," he probably shouldn't say it. He could, however, say "finish down this last spreadsheet," and take passive-aggressive pleasure from the puzzled look on Phil's face, with no real harm done. Here's another, same category: If we sit down in a chair, then why do we then sit up straight? And why do we ride out a storm instead of riding it in? What's up with that? For that matter, why do we say "What's up with that?" to express skepticism but "I'm down with that" to express assent? Since up is positive and down is negative, shouldn't it be the other way around? Also, why do some people pronounce "height" as though it had a third h on the end? When they step on the scale, do they say they have gained weighth? All of those are minor matters, however, compared with the most important question of the day - if not our lifetime: When did "as such" become an acceptable replacement for "therefore"? Here's a recent example from LifeNews.com, an anti-abortion website: "The data collection starts in 1973. As such, it is impossible to statistically determine whether state abortion bans reduced the amount of legal protection granted to pregnant women." Well, you can see immediately what's wrong there: a split infinitive. Beyond that, however, is the glaring problem that "as such" should refer to something. Grammarphobia, another website, explains the issue clearly: "A sentence shouldn't include the phrase 'as such' unless there's an antecedent that answers the question 'as what?'?" The LifeNews piece, then, should read something like this: "The data collection starts in 1973. Also, Kevin from Accounting is a total jerk. As such, he has no people skills." See? Much better. Here's another example that landed in the inbox back in October: "This month marks the 40th anniversary of the Clean Water Act. As such, I thought the attached op-ed might be timely." The person who wrote that pitch is a former state Cabinet official. As such, he ought to use "therefore," wouldn't you say? After all, language should foster communication. Unfortunately, it often is used to prevent communication by obscuring truth. Here's an example flagged by Derek Thompson, a sharp-eyed editor at The Atlantic, from a business news release in December: "Citigroup today announced a series of repositioning actions that will further reduce expenses and improve efficiency across the company while maintaining Citi's unique capabilities to serve clients, especially in the emerging markets. These actions will result in increased business efficiency, streamlined operations and an optimized consumer footprint across geographies." Thompson helpfully translates that into plain English: "Citigroup today announced [layoffs]. These actions will [save money]." This brings up (or perhaps down) a final point, courtesy of Virginia lawmakers, who are debating when teachers may be involuntarily separated from employment through repositioning actions. The Code of Virginia states that a teacher "may be dismissed or placed on probation for incompetency." Legislation before the General Assembly would stipulate that "for the purposes of this article, 'incompetency' may be construed to include … one or more unsatisfactory performance evaluations." Question: "incompetency"? What's wrong with "incompetence"? Incompetence is a perfectly good - a perfectly cromulent! - word. And while "incompetency" embiggens the language, it does so to no good end. It does not provide a new word where one was needed, or convey a nuance otherwise left unutterable. All it does is look - and here one has to resort to the lexicographer's argot, so pardon the technical mumbo-jumbo - stupid. What's next: "incompetencyness"? When it comes to the educatationary realm, the list of those eligible for getting canned for incompetency probably should start with anyone who uses that word. Unless that sounds too judgy. If so, we'll just have to think up something else. Or, you know, down. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. A. Barton Hinkle is Deputy Editor of the Editorial Pages at Richmond Times-Dispatch Comment by clicking here. Previously: • 01/23/13: Look who's mocking fascist fear-mongering now • 01/16/13: Only in Washington could you get away with referring to spending and tax increases as spending 'cuts' • 01/09/13: Obama begins his second term, Bush's fourth • 01/07/13: Who's Attacking the Constitution Now? • 01/03/13: Why, historically, January is the perfect time to debate the filibuster • 12/26/12: When libs devalue diversity • 12/20/12: Mark Your Calendars • 12/13/12: Gun control, ad infinitum • 12/11/12: Fracking can help fix the CO2 problem • 12/06/12: Let's open the door to lots more immigration • 12/04/12: Who's watching the kids? Just about everyone • 11/29/12: The Real Middle-Class Champion was Mocked and Opposed • 11/26/12: It's time to cut a deal on the budget • 11/20/12: The case for a carbon tax • 11/15/12: Cue the hysterics. Reports of Democracy's Death Greatly Exaggerated • 11/07/12: The $4,000 Trash Can: We need regulation, but not this much • 10/23/12: The Ballad of Islamist Rage Boy • 10/17/12: Undermining the values that enable people in poverty to escape it? Sadly, yes • 10/11/12: How Much Is This Tax Cut Gonna Cost Me, Doc? • 10/04/12: Warrantless spying skyrockets under Obama • 08/20/12: The wrong side absolutely must not win • 08/14/12: America was not built on dirt alone • 08/02/12: Libs Discover Their Inner Cheney • 07/30/12: Feds want to help you --- whether you want help or not • 07/23/12: Barack Obama, Storyteller-in-Chief • 07/23/12: Nation's worst outsourcer? You • 07/19/12: Listen up, America: You need to knuckle under • 07/12/12: Obama, Romney: As Different as Two Peas in a Pod • 07/05/12: Are teenagers big children --- or little adults? • 06/25/12: Minorities treated as mere numbers • 06/21/12: Memo to the the Little Guy: Seemingly innocuous activity could bring the federal hammer down out of a clear blue sky • 06/19/12: We mustn't let America be buffaloed • 05/31/12: Drop and Give Uncle Sam 20 • 05/15/12: The feds would like to know if you enjoyed that video • 05/03/12: Obama inspires: 'America --- Still Not as Bad Off as Venezuela!' • 04/26/12: It's everyone's favorite time of year again • 03/29/12: GOP disillusionment is a good thing • 03/27/12: Just what America needs: more red tape • 03/20/12: Nation wondering: what happening to language? • 02/21/12: Culture warriors resort to propaganda • 02/15/12: Step away from that cookie and grab some air • 02/08/12: Lessons in heresy • 02/01/12: Do We Really Need Pickle-Flavored Potato Chips? • 01/11/12: Shut up, they explained • 12/30/11: A Modest Proposal: Let's Ban All Sports! • 12/26/11: A Christmas letter from the Obamas • 02/24/11: Will the next Watson need us? • 12/24/10: Here Are Some Good Gifts for People You Hate • 06/15/10: The Presinator • 05/26/10: More than equal • 04/08/10: Angry Right Takes a Page From Angry Left but guess who is ‘ugly’? • 02/16/10: Either Obama owes George W. Bush an apology, or he owes the rest of us a very good explanation for his about-face on wiretapping • 02/03/10: Talkin' to us 'tards • 01/27/10: I never thought I'd see the day when progressives would howl in ragebecause the Supreme Court said government should not ban books • 01/07/10: Gun-Control Advocates Play Fast and Loose • 12/31/09: Nearly everything progressives say about neoconservative interventionism abroad applies to their own preferred policies at home © 2011, A. Barton Hinkle

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