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Jewish World Review Jan 4, 2012/ 9 Teves, 5772 They let their thumbs do the walking . . . to the wrong phone By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My phone made a little tinkly noise to let me know it had received a text message. And here is what it said: "ANY fresh vegetables. For G0d's sake. Spinach, carrots, lettuce. We R done here!" I have no idea who sent it or why they were so angry about vegetable acquisition but it definitely was a classic texting fail. I texted back: "Wrong recipient." They texted back: "Sorry." This was followed by the frownie face emoticon that I ALWAYS get backward so I end up sending emails or texts that say "So sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing (: It wasn't the first wrong message I've gotten. There have been plenty. A favorite was: "I'll be by to take you to church around 10 just like I am EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY OF MY LIFE." Whoa. Resent much? And then there was the one sent from Duh Hubby's friend who thought he was texting Duh after a UNC loss. "@#$% Kentucky," it said. "Indeed," I responded. I had no idea who this was but, well, @#$% Kentucky. Whoever it was, we had common ground in matters of the gravest basketball importance. Texting fails are appallingly common in my age division. Dad: "Your mom and I are going to divorce next month." Daughter: "WHAT?!? Why?!? Call me. Please!!!" Dad: "I wrote "Disney" and the damn phone changed it. We are going to DISNEY next month." There are some legendary texting fails but the worst was probably the one in which the young woman accidentally texted her father instead of her best friend to announce that she had "finally" lost her virginity. The internet wouldn't lie would it? I have to admit that I kind of like the little tinkly noise the phone makes because receiving a text makes me feel special, and, yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds. The only texts I hate are those creepy telemarketing texts. I'm not sure how they got my number but what kind of idge would say, "Ha! I never thought about buying life insurance before but, well, this unknown phone number seems to think that it would be a great idea so I'm going to reply "Yes!" The phone company itself loves to text. I'd had a new cell phone for just a couple of days when it texted me an auto quiz in which I was asked to spend a few minutes rating their customer service. Right. Like all I have to do is sit here and drive and answer a bunch of stupid questions on my phone to help them out. Fat chance. And when did companies become so needy anyway? You can't buy a dang Dustbuster without the manufacturer robo-calling or texting to find out if there's anything, anything at all, they could've done to make the purchase a better buying experience. It picks up crumbs; I'm not trying to marry it. Let's move on. (: Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Congressional plans lacking horse sense She's Forever Lazy, so butt out It was famous while it lasted: Celebrities as marital guest stars It's all about the ‘Sass-poles’ Mothers and daughters and books, oh my Her Klout starts with a ‘k’ She's naming names . . . Smurf style Copying her daughter? That's so Lohan! A few swift kicks in the seat Buy my %*&^ing book! Shellacked in a foreign language College degree can be had in 3 days She'll take names, and then call them losers I beg of you, spare the ‘Children’ Release the hoards Brace yourself for a luxurious smile, and a big bill Speaking her mind by pushing his buttons She'll have another shot of mugs Polygamy may only get one season A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching Not cancer, still a big fat pain A text is worth 1,000 words Ready for some laughs again Now men don't have to work out either Hormones rule home of Princess and mom Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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