Jewish World Review Jan 11, 2012/ 16 Teves, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama hosted a secret Alice in Wonderland Halloween costume party two years ago where everyone dressed up as Lewis Carroll characters. The Obamas love to dress up in costumes. At the last Democratic convention, they came as Ozzie and Harriet.
President Obama banned uranium mining on a million acres near the Grand Canyon National Park on Monday. This shuts down the expansion of uranium mines. These sanctions on Iran are really getting out of control when they start costing jobs in America.
Hugo Chavez discussed a nuclear alliance with Iran's president Monday in Caracas. It is a dangerous game. This could wind up igniting a new Cuban Missile Crisis, only this time America is not lucky enough to have a president with Marilyn Monroe's wise counsel.
The Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show introduced gaze-interaction technology to retailers Monday which allows you to navigate the Internet using only your eyes. Whatever you do, don't use this technology in your car. Last night three drivers used it on their iPhones and their GPS navigators directed them to the nearest breast implant clinic.
Mitt Romney tried Monday to explain his views on health care by saying he likes to be able to fire people who don't give him good service. He specializes in buying companies and then firing people until they are profitable. It saves him a lot of money on Christmas gifts.
The New York City Opera appeared headed for a musicians' strike Sunday after labor talks broke down. The company includes the most talented people in the world. The great tenor Enrico Caruso once held a high-C for sixty seconds, but how often do you back into a spear?
Dunkin' Donuts announced Monday the company will double their number of outlets in the United States. They chose this week to make their corporate move. No sooner does a book come out criticizing Michelle Obama than the junk food industry sees its opening.
William Daley resigned as White House chief of staff Monday. He said he wanted to go back to the city he loves. The unemployment crisis is so bad in this country that he can't get a job anywhere except Chicago, and there only because people knew his father.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton