Jewish World Review Jan 2, 2012/ 7 Teves, 5772
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Parents Television Council ripped the TV networks Friday for promoting casual sex. Every night it is teen sex, office sex, vampire sex, or gay teen sex in a glee club led by a lesbian gym teacher. Roman Polanski is beginning to think that it's safe to come home.
China's space program announced Thursday it's considering plans to send a manned flight to the moon sometime during this coming decade. This ends a traditional U.S. monopoly. Within five years all the moon rocks sold at Wal-Mart will be made in China.
Samoa crossed the Date Line Thursday to live on the same day as its trading partner Australia. The islanders went straight from Thursday to Saturday as though Friday did not exist. It's the only time people ever lost an entire day without the help of a coke dealer.
The NAACP in Michigan announced it will stage an Occupy the PGA event at a Seniors event in May. They'll protest on the golf course for housing to be provided as a human basic right. It's not enough to have subsidized housing, they want it along the 18th fairway.
Foot Lockers got hit by more riots over Nike's new Air Jordan shoes Thursday. Street robbers are forcing people who wear them to take them off and hand them over. The reason people are rioting to buy these shoes is that it is the only way to protect your Rolex.
Hillary Clinton was named the Most Admired Woman in America in the Gallup Poll's annual listing. It was her sixteenth win, breaking Eleanor Roosevelt's record, with Jackie Kennedy third. To get the award you must marry a great Democrat and look the other way.
Richard Nixon was described in a new book as a very heavy drinker who took drugs and beat his wife. He always cursed and used the N-word on tapes. There's a civic push in Detroit to place a statue of Richard Nixon in front of the office building of Def Jam Records.
North Korea saluted Kim Jong-Il's son Kim Jung-Un as its Supreme Leader. He's in his twenties. It gives them a huge technological edge over their enemies now that they have the world's only leader who knows how to hook up a Playstation to stream pirated movies.
Brazil celebrated the news that it overtook Great Britain as the world's sixth largest economy on Tuesday. It shows the growing power of free markets in South America. President Obama gave his congratulations and asked if we could borrow a Brazilian dollars.
President Obama raised the debt ceiling another trillion Monday. It was a watershed moment. We're at the point where a president can borrow a trillion dollars while on vacation approved by a Congress that's out of session from a country with a one-child policy.
President Obama agreed Thursday to slap banking sanctions on Iran to punish Iran for their nuclear weapons program. That's the way to hurt them. If we really want to destroy Iran's nuclear program, all we have to do is sell the Iranians a variable-rate second mortgage on their nuclear reactor and be upwind when the balloon payment's due.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton