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In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

The Psychology of Relationships: How to Love and Be Loved

By Dr. Dovid Lieberman



Advice from an internationally regarded bestselling author who is proud to be a believer


Emotionally healthy people generally have positive relationships. Conversely, those who don't seem to get along with anyone are often emotionally unstable. Our self-esteem has a direct impact on the quality of our relationships. To the degree that we lack self-esteem, we cannot love ourselves fully. To fill this emotional void, we turn to the world for approval. This behavior illuminates the source of all negative emotions and interpersonal conflicts. The acceptance and recognition that we crave comes in the form of respect. We erroneously believe that if only others would respect us, we would be able to respect ourselves by converting the adoration and praise of others into self-love. Our self-worth is therefore dependent on others' opinions.

When we depend on others for validation, we become tense and vulnerable, as we over-analyze every fleeting glance and passing comment. It does not matter how much respect and adoration we receive; we are like a cup without a bottom: the moment we stop receiving this undivided attention, we are as empty and as thirsty as we were before. Yes, there are moments of fleeting satisfaction, but ultimately we remain empty inside.

NO-WIN OR WIN-WIN
A healthy sense of self-esteem endows us with the ability to give. To the degree that we do not like ourselves, we cannot receive, we can only take. The more self-esteem we have, the more we are whole, as receiving is a natural consequence of giving. This cycle of giving and receiving creates the perfect union. When we take, however, we do so in an attempt to fill a void — leaving us still empty, and forced, once again, to take in a vain attempt to feel complete. Such behavior only reinforces our dependency, and continues to exhaust us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Man is the sum total of what he gives; and he loses a piece of himself every time he takes.

Without enough self-esteem, every relationship is rigged for a no-win scenario. For example, someone asks us for a favor, but we do not want to do it, for good reason. Giving out of fear or guilt does nothing to enhance self-esteem. To the contrary, it diminishes it. Such a situation is not really giving; it is the other person taking. If we acquiesce, then we are angry at ourselves or the other person, and if we do not do it, we feel guilty. Whatever we do leads to further justification; we cannot win. The ego swells in both scenarios and neither situation boosts self-esteem.

Through this paradigm we learn how to tell if someone has high or low self-esteem. It is reflected in how he treats himself and others. A person who lacks self-esteem may indulge in things to satisfy only his own desires, and he will not treat others particularly well (a product of an arrogant mentality).

Alternatively, this person may cater to others because he so craves their approval and respect, but he does not take care of his own needs (a product of the doormat mentality). Only someone who has higher self-esteem is able to give — love, respect, time, and attention — to both himself and to others.

GIVING VS. TAKING
When a person gives, he loves the object of his giving more — and so love is planted and grows. A child receives and a parent gives; who loves who more? The child cannot wait to get out of the house, while the parent is forever concerned with the child's wellbeing.

Every positive emotion stems from giving and flows outward from us to others, whereas every negative emotion revolves around taking. Indeed, the root of the Hebrew word, ahavah, love, is hav, to give.

Lust is the opposite of love. When we lust after someone or something, our interest is purely selfish in our desire to feel complete. When we love, however, our focus is on how we can express our love, and give to the other person. It makes us feel good to give, and we do so happily. When someone we love is in pain, we feel pain. When someone after whom we lust is in pain, however, we think only about how this person's situation will affect us, in terms of our own inconvenience or discomfort.

Love is limitless. A parent does not love her second child less because she already has one child. She loves each child, gives to each child, and does not run out of love. Compare this to someone who acquires a work of art that he "loves." Over time, his fascination with the piece wanes, and when he acquires a new work, all of his attention, affection, and joy is redirected from the old art to the new art because, in truth, he does not love his art. He loves himself, and his art makes him happy. He is not giving to his art; his art gives to him, and so he takes.

Our feelings of self-worth betray us when we consider whether G-d really cares about little old me, with all the billions of people in the world. There are no limitations to the Divine's love. He created the world expressly for us as if we were His only child. Just as a loving parent is concerned and consumed by each and every aspect of the child's wellbeing, so, too, is G-d's interest in our lives.



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Dovid Lieberman, Ph.D., is an award-winning author and internationally recognized leader in the field of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. Techniques based on his seven books, which have been translated into 18 languages and include two New York Times bestsellers, are used by the FBI, the Department of the Navy, Fortune 500 companies, and by governments, corporations, and mental health professionals in more than 25 countries. Dr. Lieberman's work has been featured in publications around the world, and he has appeared as a guest expert on more than 200 programs such as: The Today Show, PBS, and The View. Infusing Torah wisdom into the psychological process, Dr. Lieberman lectures and holds workshops on a variety of subjects across a spectrum of audiences.





© 2011, Dovid Lieberman