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May 25, 2012
Mark Clayton: Is Hillary's State Dept. hacking Al Qaeda? Not quite
Erika Bolstad: Temple cancels Wasserman Schultz speech
The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman: The former president of the International Association of Culinary Professionals, whose members included the likes of Julia Child, is back with contemporary Shavous cuisine: Ruby Fruit Soup, Sweet Noodle Kugel with Cheese, Key Lime Curd, Calsone Casserole Frittata with Wild Mushrooms, Sun-dried tomatoes and Olives, Baked Tilapia with Pepper Cheese Cream and Brown Sugar Shortbread
May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Difficult people: The solution, not the problem
By Dr. Dovid Lieberman
Advice from an internationally regarded bestselling author who is proud to be a believer
Flight attendants begin each trip by informing passengers that in the event
of the oxygen masks dropping down during the flight, those traveling with
children should secure their own masks first, and then secure the masks on their
children. We are no good to anyone if we are no good to ourselves. Whenever
we redraw lines in relationships, one person gets less territory; but without
boundaries, there is no definition of self. While some relationships benefit
from having no boundaries, allowing those who are toxic make the rules and
shape us is not healthy. It certain instances, then, we are obligated to say,
"Enough is enough."
We are mistaken to believe that the larger solution is cutting out of our
lives those people who are difficult; rarely is this required. It is only when
we respond to another's' cruelty with like, that we move to a mode of
dependence, and so pain. There is no way to get around this. Guilt will seep in, our
ego engages to fortify our actions and our beliefs, and all the while, our
self-esteem and emotional wellbeing slowly melt.
Sometimes the closer we are to someone, the worse we treat them. Too often, a
person shows more gratitude to the toll collector than to his own spouse;
indeed, sometimes we deliver kindness to a stranger but ignore the needs of our
own family.
One reason we do not give is because we do not get. A person holds back from
another because he does not feel that his own emotional needs are being met.
On the other side of the coin, strangers are quick to offer their
appreciation and to give us the respect we crave when we come to their aid. Will a
family member even acknowledge our efforts? It does not matter. Our actions must
be independent of the response or of our own feelings of whether or not the
other party in the relationship deserves our kindness and love.
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The temptation to do otherwise is strong, particularly if we suffer from low
self-esteem. By definition, low self-esteem means that a person does not feel
in control — remember, self-respect comes from self-control. So the less
control we exert over ourselves, the more we attempt to control or manipulate
the world and the people in it.
Now we understand why it is that we hurt — either overtly or passive
aggressively — the ones closest to us. The closer we are to someone, the more
power we have over them, and the more we can attack their weaknesses with
pinpoint accuracy. When we lack self-control, hurting those who love us gives us the
most traction to cause something to happen. It is the last vestige of power
for the person who has so little of it.
When a person has very low self-esteem, it does not matter how accomplished
he appears; such a person is dependent upon everyone and everything to feed
his ego.
We do not feel complete when we are feuding or estranged from a member of our
immediate family. But G-d does not leave our wellbeing at the doorstep of
other people, let alone those who are not well. If we do everything that we
can, when we can, for as long as we can, to have the healthiest relationship
possible, and we still don't get anywhere, then we find that while we have
compassion for the other, and perhaps some sadness over the loss of the
relationship, we do not feel less good about ourselves.
Our strife with another need not cause discord within ourselves. Our
willingness to do what is necessary to bring peace, is what will give us peace,
regardless of the outcome. There is one major caveat. When we say that we need to
do everything possible to make peace, we do not mean that we try our very
best to make our point, and present a clear and rational argument as to why we
are right. Only an attempt at peace that comes by way of complete humility,
will keep our trust in G-d intact and our conscience absolved of guilt.
DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER
It is our responsibility to perceive the wider reality, which is that G-d is
speaking to us through every person and situation. Relationships are a very
common area in which people often miss the message and focus on the messenger.
Difficult people are not in our lives to add to our woes, but to help us; and
we need to realize this, or they will keep coming around again and again —
and so may we keep coming around, again and again.
The prerequisite for growing in any area is not to blame, or be enraged at
the injustice of the situation, but to ask oneself practically, "What does G-d
want from me now?"
While we are in blame-mode, we are also not solution-oriented, and therefore
cannot see, let alone investigate, ways to improve the situation. What would
happen if you would stop looking at yourself as a victim?
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Dovid Lieberman, Ph.D., is an award-winning author and internationally
recognized leader in the field of human behavior and interpersonal relationships.
Techniques based on his seven books, which have been translated into 18
languages and include two New York Times bestsellers, are used by the FBI, the
Department of the Navy, Fortune 500 companies, and by governments, corporations,
and mental health professionals in more than 25 countries. Dr. Lieberman's
work has been featured in publications around the world, and he has appeared
as a guest expert on more than 200 programs such as: The Today Show, PBS, and
The View. Infusing Torah wisdom into the psychological process, Dr. Lieberman lectures and holds workshops on a variety of subjects across a spectrum of audiences.
Previously:
• The Psychology of Relationships: How to Love and Be Loved
© 2011, Dovid Lieberman
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