Jewish World Review Jan. 24, 2011 / 19 Shevat, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama will deliver his State of the Union address before a joint session of Congress Tuesday. They're taking precautions. During the speech China's president will be kept outside the House Chamber in case of catastrophe to assure a continuity of deficit.
China's President Hu Jintao toasted America at the White House state dinner in his honor on Wednesday. He looked a bit bewildered. How good a time can you really be having if somebody is throwing a lavish party in your honor with money you loaned him?
Hu Jintao flew to Chicago for a lunch with hundreds of businessmen and bankers on Friday. In the last few years China has bought up nine hundred billion dollars in U.S. Treasury bills. He's holding so much U.S. debt even the Mexicans admit that it's his country.
Hu Jintao flew home to China Saturday after four days in the United States. It's such a relief when the creditor leaves. America now has a month to make the rent or we'll be forced to move back in with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip and live in the basement.
The U.S. launched a huge spy satellite Thursday able to snap close-up pictures and see through roofs from outer space. What a revenue generator. Can you imagine how much money subscribers will pay for a cellphone app that can provide live sex shows and count cards?
Kim Kardashian announced Thursday she will launch a clothing line for Sears this year. She's working hard to improve her advertising image. Last month her endorsement deal for a teen credit card went sour and on New Year's Day, Goodwill declined her bed.
The Education Department released a study Wednesday showing half of all college students today learn nothing their first two years in college. That's disgraceful. Not one Baby Boomer reached his junior year at Oklahoma without knowing where the cops are always parked.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton