Jewish World Review Jan. 21, 2011 / 16 Shevat, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama met with Chinese President Hu Jintao and China's treasury officials at the White House Wednesday. It's become routine by now. According to the terms of the bankruptcy agreement, every six months the president has to meet with the owners.
Barack Obama and Hu Jintao had a news conference Wednesday. The audio feed and translation relays had dozens of electronic glitches. It was embarrassing when halfway through the news conference both China and the U.S. had to call India for technical support.
Hu Jintao dodged a question about human rights in China at the White House press conference Wednesday. He said he had trouble hearing the translation. The rules of the press conference were that you weren't allowed to say human rights or birth certificate.
The White House hosted a business conference between American CEOs and China's economic planners Wednesday. The visitors took careful notes. And now the Chinese can host a business conference for one-fourth of what it costs the Americans to host one.
China's Hu Jintao flew to Chicago Thursday to meet with business and political leaders there. It's a shrine thing. Asian politicians wouldn't think of visiting America without stopping by Chicago and paying tribute to the birthplace of crony capitalism.
U.S. News and World Report released a study showing that thirty percent of obese Americans think they're normal-sized. The study also shows that obesity is up in every state but Nevada. Nutritionists cite the aerobic benefits of gambling with prostitutes.
San Fernando Valley students were locked down after school in L.A. Wednesday long after a parking lot shooting. They were forced to sit still in their seats for five hours without food. This is what it takes to train the next generation of Americans for the rigors of air travel.
Miami Beach police chased after a man running naked down Biscayne Boulevard on Sunday. They brought him down with a taser shot while he was running through traffic and shouting he's the king of the world. It's nice to see Brett Favre enjoying his retirement.
Jerry Jones offered to sell two-hundred-dollar tickets to fans willing to sit in the Cowboys stadium parking lot and watch the Super Bowl on a big screen while the game is being played inside the stadium. The closer you are to the action, the more he charges. Don't ask how much money Bill Gates and Warren Buffett paid to be first down markers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton