Jewish World Review Jan. 17, 2011 / 13 Shevat, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
China's President Hu Jintao will come to the White House and meet with President Obama this week. Our president is very anxious to talk with the Chinese. We're a month late on the rent and he wants to explain that it's the fault of Sarah Palin and talk radio.
President Obama addressed the Tucson memorial Wednesday held at the University of Arizona in a jam-packed field house. There was a huge wave of sympathy for him when he walked into the arena. They thought he was that homeless guy with the great voice.
Barack Obama told the crowd Wednesday after he visited Gabrielle Giffords' hospital room she opened her eyes for the first time. All in a day's work. A really good politician will heal the lame and then write them a five hundred dollar ticket for parking in a handicapped zone.
Gabrielle Giffords' husband said the congresswoman opened her eyes after Obama left, and while she was being visited by other congresswomen who promised to bring her pizza on their next visit. So it wasn't Obama's visit that opened her eyes. It was the hope of something besides hospital food.
San Francisco celebrated the opening of the first gay-themed history museum in America. Gay men danced in the streets waving rainbow flags and played Broadway musical numbers on their boom boxes. Then they heard about the museum and went bananas.
Minnesota wrestling coach Jacob Volkmann was suspended by his school after he won a UFC match and challenged President Obama to a fight. He thinks Obama is a socialist. The coach was put on salaried leave, so in Obama's honor he will be paid for doing nothing.
The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil near one hundred dollars a barrel Friday while home prices collapsed. It's bad news. Young people won't believe this, but there was a time in this country when it was cheaper to live in your car than in your house.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton