Jewish World Review January 13, 2010 / 27 Teves 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Secret Service arrested a man Thursday who took off his clothes and jogged naked on the sidewalk around the White House. It was a misunderstanding. The security screening for the White House tour is not as severe as the security to get on a plane.
Yemeni cleric Anwar al-Awlaki's father told CNN his son is not a member of al-Qaeda. He swears his son is not a terrorist recruiter or mastermind. That was good enough for Homeland Security, who promptly added his name to the Welcome Aboard list.
Nigeria's Umar Abdulmutallab pleaded not guilty in Detroit Friday to trying to blow up an airliner on Christmas. The episode was a nasty surprise. Obviously our attempt to make air travel so aggravating that the terrorists won't use it has failed.
The Gallup Poll reported Monday that eighty percent of Americans support the TSA's decision to install full-body scanners. Two-thirds say they wouldn't mind being scanned. They don't realize it requires a front scan and a back scan and a pole dance.
Simon Cowell announced Monday he's leaving American Idol next year after eight seasons. David Hasselhoff had just announced he's leaving America's Got Talent. There are so many judicial openings it's a wonder President Obama can get any other work done.
Harry Reid apologized Monday for once saying that Barack Obama could be elected president because he's light-skinned and doesn't have a Negro dialect. It took two hours to be absolved. He said the president has forgiven him, the civil rights leadership's forgiven him and Nevada's one black resident, O.J. Simpson, has forgiven him.
The White House accepted Senator Harry Reid's apology for predicting President Obama's electibility because he's a light-skinned black with no Negro dialect. They can't pass health care reform without Harry Reid. If he resigned now he could save the Democratic Party.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton