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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
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January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
January 20, 2009
/ 24 Teves 5769
Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
By
John Kass
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
How many days have passed since Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, the Nevada Democrat, vowed that he'd never, ever, ever seat anyone touched by the leprous hand of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich?
And how many days since Reid's ripe second banana, Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Big Jim, scoffed that the appointment of Roland Burris was "an act of political defiance that will lead nowhere"?
Actually, it was only 17 days ago Friday, but does it matter anymore, really?
It stopped mattering the moment President-elect Barack Obama privately told Reid - with a metaphorical slap in the mouth to the Chicago Way - to stop stalling and seat the guy from Illinois and get his home state's political corruption out of the news and away from his inauguration festivities.
So on Thursday afternoon in Washington, Roland "Tombstone" Burris raised his right hand and was asked if he would uphold the Constitution. "I do," Tombstone said.
Tombstone signed his name in the big book of senators, a clerk told him to keep the pen as a trophy and a strange thing happened. The other senators, who until recently shunned and ridiculed him, began to applaud him, enthusiastically.
Burris smiled like a man who knows he has plenty of room to carve another accomplishment on his ridiculous mausoleum. He gazed out onto the faces of his new colleagues rising to their feet, slapping their palms together, making the sound of absolute senatorial sincerity.
What was really going on inside Tombstone's head? We'll probably never get the full monty.
I'd like to think that Tombstone saw himself as the heroic Maximus character in "Gladiator," with all the Romans chanting lustily, "Maximus! Maximus! Maximus!"
Tombstone could have taken the pen and heaved it at Reid and Durbin, making them flinch like frightened rabbits, with Tombstone shouting defiance at the senatorial mob:
"Are you not entertained!? Are ... You ... Not ... Entertained!?"
Sadly, that isn't Tombstone's way. He doesn't throw pens. He smiles.
Though Illinois has been embarrassed by his ambition, I don't think we'll be embarrassed by his service. He'll be a quiet senator and do what he's told. He'll make speeches and cut ribbons.
One thing for certain, he won't act like a couple of other senators who are beloved by the news media, two senators who made the famous cocktail waitress sandwich years ago.
According to news reports, those two liberal Democratic lions and champions of women's rights, Sen. Ted Kennedy, the noted midnight swimmer from Massachusetts, and his buddy Christopher Dodd of Connecticut were out one night drinking at La Brasserie, a Capitol Hill restaurant.
Dodd had so much to drink he slumped in a chair. Kennedy decided to liven things up. So he threw a waitress on top of Dodd. Then Kennedy jumped on the astonished woman.
"She was said to have run screaming from the room," according to a lengthy 1991 profile on Dodd in the Hartford Courant.
Burris may be a hack, but he'll never make a waitress panini.
If nothing else, he's been instructive. We've witnessed his transformation, from an amiable Democratic Party functionary with that Please-Don't-Squeeze-The-Charmin mustache to the playing card for certain black politicians using race as a cudgel.
And just weeks after America elected the first black president, we learned that the race card, when skillfully flicked across the foreheads of white Senate Democrats, is still the ace in a royal political flush.
No one else would take the job offered by Blagojevich after he was arrested and charged with trying to sell Obama's old Senate seat to the highest bidder. No one, except for Tombstone.
Such ambition, though terrifying and desperate, is also somewhat endearing. He so wanted to be senator that he kissed Blagojevich's hand. Now, all Tombstone has to do is call out the stone-carvers.
Perhaps they've already been dispatched to inscribe the title "U.S. Senator" under the list of honors on Tombstone's tomb.
He might want to add a few more stone benches, so voters can visit and calmly reflect upon the vagaries of American politics. He could also install a snow cone machine for the summer, and peddlers could hawk Rolandian trinkets near his shrine.
How many days until we can get the Burris bobble head and enjoy a snow cone? It doesn't matter, does it? He's a senator now.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.
Previously:
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will feditis spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm
© 2008, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
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