In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Jan. 27, 2009 / 2 Shevat 5769

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Nigerian police arrested a goat for trying to steal a car Friday. They say the thief changed himself into a goat using black magic before his arrest. The governors of Illinois would get away with everything if they could get the secret to this trick.

Interior Secretary Ken Salazar vowed Friday to re-open the Statue of Liberty's crown to sightseers in New York Harbor. Closing it for security was a mistake. If we had some people on lookout up there we might have seen the Wall Street crash coming.

Barack Obama was sworn in a second time on Thursday after the botched ceremony on Inauguration Day. The first time they forgot to say the word faithfully and the second time they forgot the Bible. He might as well be president of the Playboy Club.

President Obama's tailor, Hart Shaffner and Marx, went bankrupt Saturday. They made the top coat, tuxedo and suit Obama wore on Inauguration Day. They didn't mind paying for the bulletproof fabric but when they had to coat it with Teflon, it was just too much.

Pakistan asked President Obama to halt the missile strikes on suspected Osama bin Laden hideouts. He can surrender now that Guantanamo's closed and no state will let terrorists in their prisons. The only place we could put him is Camp David.

President Obama ordered a basketball hoop and backboard installed on the White House tennis court Friday. The man is extremely competitive. He's going to be sorry he closed Guantanamo every time somebody fouls him while he is in the act of shooting.

Caroline Kennedy withdrew her bid for the New York Senate seat Thursday. There were reports of a nanny problem and a marital problem. If her husband is sleeping with the nanny, psychiatrists are right when they say that women marry their fathers.

France's former president Jacques Chirac was hospitalized with dog bites Thursday in Paris. He got mauled by his clinically depressed toy poodle. She picked up the scent of another dog on him and she wouldn't be bought off with another jeweled collar.

Iraqi officials said Wednesday they have less money to spend on infrastructure and salaries because the falling price of oil has hit government revenues hard. They said they can't spend money they don't have. Have we taught them nothing in six years?

The U.S. Navy seized an Iranian ship carrying arms to the Palestinian terrorists Friday. There's outrage. The Arab states say it shows that Barack Obama is hostile to Muslims and the Rocky Mountain states say it shows that he's hostile to gun rights.

President Obama revealed Thursday he's been given a new BlackBerry with which he can text-message friends. All the e-mail he sends is subject to the Presidential Records Act. So if he bets on basketball games he will never work as a referee again.

Congress praised Florida in a resolution Friday for winning the BCS title. The BCS bowl system is rigged to make sure that the big and rich schools on top stay big and rich and on top. If they wanted to be fair to everyone they would play soccer.

President Obama ordered an end to the torture of terrorists at Guantanamo last week. Interrogators are looking for new methods. The best way to break people down is to force them to put all their money in the stock market and then watch CNBC all day.

Barack Obama's inauguration Tuesday resulted in the doubling of newspaper sales the next day. Other people benefited greatly from the event. Con men were picking up women at the Inaugural by passing themselves off as heirs to the Port-A-Pottie fortune.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.

Argus' Archives

© 2009, Argus Hamilton