Jewish World Review Jan. 15, 2009 / 19 Teves 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton sailed through Senate confirmation hearings Tuesday. She didn't blink when asked how she will handle the world's hot spots. You can't be married to Old Faithful for thirty-three years and not know something about geothermal energy.
Barack Obama was interviewed by ABC News Sunday where he stated again he wants a college football playoff system, and that he will fight to keep his BlackBerry. So that was how he raised all that money for his presidential campaign. He's a bookie.
Roger Clemens was investigated by a grand jury Monday over steroid use. It builds muscle but it gives men breasts. Last year Roger Clemens took off his shirt in the Dallas Cowboys locker room, causing Pacman Jones to make it rain and shoot the bouncer.
Rickey Henderson was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame Monday after setting the career record for most stolen bases. He got rich the hard way. The difference between baseball and Wall Street is if you get caught stealing in baseball, you're out.
National Football League advertisers were miserable on Sunday after four small-market teams made it into the NFL championship games. The ratings will be terrible. The Super Bowl could end up being sponsored this year by the Snuggie and the Sham Wow.
Treasury Secretary nominee Tim Geithner was revealed Tuesday to have underpaid his taxes and hired an illegal immigrant as a maid. Everyone was glad to hear he's one of us. As Treasury Secretary he will be assigned to hand out three hundred and fifty billion dollars in total secret, so paying his bills won't be a problem any more.
Barack Obama will have Lincoln's favorite foods served at the Inaugural luncheon Tuesday and he'll take the oath on Lincoln's Bible. He must be careful. The more he compares himself to Abe Lincoln the more the Secret Service will treat actors like terrorists.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton