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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
January 8, 2009
/ 12 Teves 5769
Just in time, here comes 2009
By
Malcolm Fleschner
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
With the possible exception of anyone in the "Going Out Of Business" sign business, few Americans will recall this past year with much fondness. Sure, more of us were inspired to vote in 2008 than ever before, but with a deepening economic crisis, multiple wars still raging abroad and global warming threatening life on the planet, many of us fear that it may not make any difference who won on American Idol.
So rather than trying to put lipstick on a pig of a year that was filled with more bumbles, stumbles and scandals than you can throw a shoe at, let us instead look ahead to some of the events that will no doubt leave us even more bitter, still clinging to our guns in the year to come:
January 8: The ongoing Minnesota senate race recount between Al Franken and Norm Coleman is thrown into turmoil when Duluth housewife Edna Nordhagen discovers 1,500 uncounted ballots in her root cellar.
January 19: In his last few hours in office, President Bush issues pardons for Scooter Libby, Jack Abramoff, Ted Stevens, Tony Soprano, Dr. Richard Kimball, the Outlaw Josey Wales and the Hamburgler.
February 9: Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich holds a press conference to declare that, contrary to the claims of many in the media, he is not delusional and will prove it, "just as soon as I get the go-ahead from Zerblox, grand high ruler of the Andromeda Galaxy."
February 27: Upon his release from prison, Iraqi journalist and noted shoe thrower Muntazer al-Zaidi announces that, after lengthy negotiations, he has agreed to a $140 million contract to pitch for the New York Yankees while also signing on to star as Carrie Bradshaw's love interest in the next Sex in the City movie.
March 19: Congressman Ron Paul announces that he is dropping out of the 2008 presidential race.
April 11: British singer Amy Winehouse checks herself into rehab after being found in a daze, half-naked, wandering the streets of London clutching a bottle of Scotch, a handful of pills and 350 uncounted Minnesota ballots.
May 17: President Obama announces that another round of stimulus checks will be sent to taxpayers, requesting that Americans take advantage of this opportunity to kick-start the economy, then adding, "but if you could wait until after next Tuesday to cash the checks, that would be cool."
June 5: Despite the defendant's claims of unfair punishment for his acquittal while on trial for the murder of his ex-wife, the judge hearing the appeal in OJ Simpson's criminal case upholds the 15-year sentence, calling the decision "appropriate to the severity of the crime," then adding, "plus you killed your wife."
June 23: The target of another FBI sting, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is taken into custody while trying to check into a high-priced Washington DC hotel with two suitcases crammed with Minnesota absentee ballots.
July 9: Longtime supporters of Barack Obama express shock and disappointment when video is released in which the president, during a brief beach vacation, conclusively proves incapable of walking on water.
August 5: Appearing on The Tonight Show, John McCain reveals that his entire 2008 presidential campaign was an 18-month-long comedic performance art piece. "Come on," he tells Jay Leno, "Sarah Palin, qualified to be vice president? 'Suspending' my campaign? Joe the Plumber? No one really bought all that baloney, did they?"
August 26: As a follow-up to his Oscar-nominated performance in the biopic "Milk," actor Sean Penn announces that for his next role he will star in "Cookies," an unblinking depiction of popular Sesame Street character Cookie Monster.
October 1: The May-December romance between Madonna and baseball superstar Alex Rodriguez reportedly ends when the pop singer begins dating the Vienna Boys Choir while the Yankees third baseman is photographed around town with actress Cloris Leachman.
November 21: Any questions about Tiger Woods' recovery from major knee surgery are answered when the golf superstar captures the PGA Championship, the US Open, the Masters and, in a thrilling photo finish, the 2009 Kentucky Derby.
December 3: In an effort to cut costs in anticipation of the holiday travel season, United Airlines announces a round of layoffs aimed at eliminating redundant positions. "Pilots and co-pilots? It seems a little unnecessary to have both," an airline spokesman tells reporters.
December 31: In a daring nighttime raid, a team of US Army Rangers parachute into Pakistan, storm a remote cave and triumphantly emerge with their long-sought target: the last 200 uncounted Minnesota ballots.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
11/20/08: Hotels go for the green
11/06/08: Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
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