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Jewish World Review January 4, 2008 / 26 Teves, 5768 The great aren't exempt from being grateful By Rabbi Avraham Pam
The Bible is more than literature. Embedded in its "stories" are profound lessons that to the untrained eye often go missed. Here, a world renowned sage examines Moses' life in a way your Sunday school teacher likely didn't
— Exodus 7:19
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Rashi, the foremost commentator, explains that it was Aaron, not Moses, who was commanded
to strike the river. This, because the river protected the infant Moses
when he was cast into it (see Exodus 2:3). Smiting it would demonstrate a lack of gratitude.
Similarly, it was Aaron who used his staff to bring upon the Egyptians the second
plague of frogs, which came from the river, and the third plague of
lice, which came from the earth. Rashi (8:12) offers that since the
dust of the land had protected Moses when he used it to conceal the
Egyptian he had killed (see 2:12), it would have been ungrateful of
him to hit the earth to deliver the plague of lice. Therefore Aaron
was the one to do it.
This teaching serves as a remarkable example of the concept of
hakaros hatov, gratitude, which plays such a central role in the life of a Jew
and is the underlying theme of numerous mitzvos (religious duties).
While most people realize that gratitude is required when one receives a great
favor or kindness from another person, how many people are
thankful for small, insignificant ones? When the benefactor is a
human being it is logical to express one's gratitude, but must one feel
gratitude to an inanimate creation like the river or soil?
The answer must be that gratitude means that the recipient must recognize
the good he has received. It makes no difference if the benefactor
will be cognizant of the recipient's thanks or not. The recipient must
be thankful just the same because he received ''good.''
In the previous Torah reading, there is another striking illustration of the
great extent of the obligation of gratitude. The Torah devotes
over 30 verses to describing how Moses repeatedly refused
the Divine's request that he take upon himself the mantle of
leadership, to ''take My people, the Children of Israel, out of Egypt''
(3:10). This dialogue between the Creator and Moses went on for
seven days.
Finally, while Moses agreed to his appointment as the redeemer
of his people, he still had one more request from G-d. He had to
obtain the permission of his father-in-law, Jethro (Yeser): So Moses
went and returned to Yeser his father-in-law, and said to him, ''Let
me now go back to my brethren who are in Egypt, and see if they
are still alive.'' And Yeser said to Moses, ''Go to peace'' (4:18).
Rashi explains that Moses needed Jethro's consent to leave because
he had sworn to him that he would not leave him without permission
(see also Talmud, Nedarim 65a). The Midrash (Shemos Rabbah 4:2) gives a
slightly different explanation: Moses told the Divine, ''Jethro accepted
me, opened his home to me (by giving me his daughter as a wife),
and I am to him like a son. One owes his life to someone who opens
his home to him. Therefore, I cannot leave without his permission.''
Moses's gratitude to his father-in-law knew no limits. He
would even give up the opportunity to become the redeemer of his
people should Jethro deny his request to return to Egypt. This time
G-d was not angry at Moses for refusing Him but agreed that
obtaining Jethro's permission was proper conduct.
By contemplating Moses's behavior, one can extrapolate a
fascinating insight into the parameters of gratitude. True, Jethro
had generously taken Moses into his home and given him his daughter, Tzipporah, as a wife. However, Moses could have easily
denied his obligation of gratitude to Jethro. He could have felt that it
was Jethro who ''got the bargain on the deal'' and who owed him honor
and respect.
After all, Jethro was the minister of Midian (2:16) and he
had been a distinguished religious leader as well as a powerful
political figure. Rashi, quoting the Midrash (Shemos Rabbah 1:32),
says that Jethro had been a priest to the deity of Midian but he had
become disillusioned. He began experimenting with all the idols of
the world (see Devarim Rabbah 1:5) and, realizing their futility, had
publicly renounced idol worship. His people ostracized him for his
''heresy,'' and he was shunned by all facets of the population. Even
lowly shepherds refused to work for him, forcing his seven
daughters to personally tend their father's flock.
The ban against Jethro was so strong that no Midianite would dare
violate it and marry one of his daughters. Thus, while Jethro bravely
defied everyone around him in order to follow his heart as a seeker
of truth, it put him and his daughters into an extremely difficult
financial and matrimonial position. He was certainly concerned
about who would marry his daughters — and he had seven of them
to be worried about!
Therefore, when Moses came to the aid of
Jethro's daughters at the well when some other shepherds came and
drove them away (2:17), he was invited by Jethro to his home to eat
bread with his family. Rashi says that this was a euphemistic
reference to the hope that ''maybe he will marry one of you,'' which
Moses soon did when he took Tzipporah for a wife.
GRATITUDE IS MORE THAN MUTTERING ‘THANK YOU’
Who should owe gratitude to whom? Thus, when Moses was commanded by G-d Himself to assume the leadership of Jewry, why did he feel he must get
Jethro's permission to leave, being ready to decline this greatest
mission in history if Jethro would refuse? He could have thought to
himself, True, Jethro gave me a wife, but look who I am now! I will soon be the leader of Jewry, the eternal teacher of the Jewish people about whom Jethro would later claim distinction and pride himself
as being the father-in-law of Moses (18:1)!
Moses could have
looked at it this way but, obviously, did not. He was grateful to
the one who took him into his home and gave him a wife and
was prepared to postpone, or even cancel, his mission until Jethro
permitted him to go. This is the extent of gratitude required by
the Torah.
While every person is a recipient of countless favors each day
from the people around him, there is a special obligation of gratitude to one's parents, spouse, in-laws, and rabbei'im (spiritual mentors).
One of the main reasons behind the mitzvah to honor your father and your
mother (20:12) is the aspect of gratitude. There is no limit to
the amount of gratitude a person should feel to his parents, who
brought him into this world and who sacrificed the best years
of their lives to raise him to adulthood. There are some children
who feel that they owe no thanks to their parents. One expressed
it this way: ''Every parent does what my parents did for me. What's
so special about them? As a matter of fact, some parents do even
more . . .'' How tragic it is to hear such words. Obviously they come
from a person who does not even begin to fathom what gratitude means.
How much gratitude does one owe one's spouse? The
Talmud (Yevamos 63a) tells about Rabbi Chiya who had a very difficult
wife who caused him much distress and suffering. Yet, whenever he
went to the market and saw something he knew his wife would like,
he bought it for her.
Rabbi Chiya's nephew, Rav, noticed his uncle's
behavior and asked him, ''Why do you go out of your way to please
your wife who gives you such hardships?'' Rabbi Chiya answered him,
''Isn't it enough that she raises our children and protects me from
improper thoughts? Don't I owe her gratitude for that?''
Rabbi Chiya's
behavior was not simply a ''political'' tactic to remain on her ''good
side'' by buying her gifts. He honestly felt that she deserved these
gifts because of the beneficial service she rendered for him (despite
the fact that the children she was raising were her own children).
How many fewer marital harmony problems would there be if each
spouse would emulate the behavior of Rabbi Chiya. Many times rifts
develop in the fragile relationship of marriage due to a relatively
minor matter. Something may not have been done properly: a meal
may have been late, a piece of sewing overlooked, a household
chore forgotten. This results in an outburst of anger, followed by a
sharp retort, and the friction escalates rapidly until the marriage is in
crisis. Such behavior would have no place in a home where each
spouse expresses his or her gratitude for the routine, daily
services received from the other.
The same applies to one's relationship with one's parents-in-law.
Many people believe that in-law problems are an unavoidable fact of
life about which nothing can be done. That is simply not true. If the
young couple would contemplate how much gratitude each of them
owes their in-laws, if for nothing else than the fact that they raised a
child worthy to become their spouse, that would greatly diminish the
friction that arises from time to time.
Gratitude is the cornerstone of proper midos (character
traits). It brings a person success in this world and in the Next. When
a person is grateful to his fellow human beings, this will certainly
lead him to thank G-d for the countless benefits He bestows
upon him every day of his life, which in turn will bring him to love
G-d and serve Him with all his heart and soul.
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Comment by clicking here. Rabbi Avraham Yaakov Pam (1913 - August 16, 2001) was the dean of Yeshiva Torah Vodaas in Brooklyn, New York and a member of the Council of Torah Sages of Agudath Israel. Recently, some of his public addresses have been rendered into English by a disciple, Rabbi Sholom Smith. The latest is "Shabbos With Rav Pam", from which this essay was excerpted.
© 2007, Mesorah Publications, Ltd.
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