Jewish World Review January 31, 2008 / 24 Shevat 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Caroline Kennedy endorsed Barack Obama on Monday and annointed him as the heir to John F. Kennedy's legacy. We'll have to wait and see. If Barack Obama's wife is not going to let him smoke, she's certainly not going to let him date Angie Dickinson.
Mitt Romney said Thursday he will spend millions of his own fortune to run for president. He noted Hillary and Barack each raised one hundred million dollars to run. The White House is the only house in America that has gone up in price this year.
Shaquille O'Neal listed nearly a million dollars in monthly living expenses in divorce papers he filed last week. He's in for one expensive lesson. Poker isn't the only game that starts out with holding hands and ends up in staggering financial loss.
Jessica Simpson sued a tabloid Friday over an article saying Tony Romo broke up with her. She's a stunningly beautiful blonde. A blackjack dealer once told Jessica Simpson to use her head when she bets, but she felt really stupid pushing chips across the table with her nose.
Barbara Walters said Monday she's been contacted by Britney Spears' manager Sam Lufti. The manager said Britney's had some mental issues. The last straw was when she got up on the roof of Cedars-Sinai hospital and tossed bread crumbs to the helicopters.
Tesla Motors of California got a waiver Monday from the government requirement that all cars have air bags. They're going to make an all-electric car. They successfully convinced the government that an air bag will not save you from electrocution during a rainstorm.
Al Gore's cable TV channel Current will go public, making him a billionaire this year. He's got an Oscar, a Grammy, a Nobel Peace Prize, a fortune in Google stock, and now this. Saddam Hussein made the mortal mistake of being the next guy to lose to George W. Bush.
Wall Street awaited news from the Federal Reserve Tuesday about an interest rate cut. They were worried the stock market would crash again. The bears are much stronger on Wall Street after they spent the off-season working out with Roger Clemens.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton