Jewish World Review January 25, 2008 / 18 Shevat 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
ABC News will air a documentary about Queen Elizabeth in which the cameras had unprecedented access to Her Majesty's private life. It even shows her shopping with Prince William on the streets of London. Finding the right wife can take all day.
Kiefer Sutherland finished his two-month jail sentence for drunk driving this week. He was born under a lucky star. During the writer's strike he's been the only actor in Hollywood who didn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from.
Britney Spears stupified news anchors Monday by talking to reporters in a very thick British accent. She doesn't fool Social Services with this little trick. There is no way anybody will ever give her legal custody of Madonna's children.
Chuck Norris said Sunday John McCain is too old to be president of the United States. That's how to get to him. The North Vietnamese used to tell John McCain he looked forty years old when he was thirty, and he still doesn't like to talk about it.
Bill Clinton fell asleep onstage while sitting at a Harlem church Monday at a Martin Luther King memorial service. He nodded off in a chair behind the pulpit. It was the worst possible time and place to explain he has been working like a slave.
Rudy Giuliani fell behind John McCain and Mitt Romney in Florida Monday. It was a big mistake for him to skip Nevada. If Rudy could have been photographed standing next to an imploding hotel, it would have propelled him right to the top of the polls.
Oil and Gas Journal reported Monday that a huge natural gas field has just been discovered in Brazil by drilling rigs in the interior. Now we have no choice but to invade Brazil. If they've got a matchbook, they've got weapons of mass destruction.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton