Jewish World Review January 23, 2008 / 16 Shevat 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Rudy Giuliani vowed Sunday in Florida to defend America from those who hate us, but he's fallen in the polls. His old message is no longer working. Now that we're paying a hundred dollars a barrel they still hate us, but they're in no rush to kill us.
UCLA infuriated their basketball fans Saturday by banning anybody from getting John Wooden's autograph at courtside. He simply can't shake the hand of every fan who wants to meet him. At ninety-eight he can't afford to catch everybody's head cold.
Commissioner Bud Selig got a lucrative contract extension Friday from baseball owners. What a swell bunch of guys. The New York Mets wanted to name their ballpark Jackie Robinson Stadium but his widow could only come up with two million dollars a year.
The New York Post said the Associated Press bureau chief in Los Angeles ordered his reporters to cover Britney Spears. She's now real news. Los Angeles may not have much mass transit but we have a train wreck every other night on Sunset Boulevard.
Lindsay Lohan was ordered to work in a morgue Friday as part of her community service sentence. This is insane. Within the year the makers of formaldehyde will be paying Lindsay Lohan millions of dollars to endorse their product as a party drug.
Barack Obama said Monday he will confront Bill Clinton about recent inaccurate statements. Barack Obama says we're one nation, John Edwards says there are two Americas, Bill Clinton says he's changed his ways. Clearly, somebody is lying.
Chuck Norris said Sunday John McCain is so old his vice president will probably finish his first term. It's awful. The next day John McCain was deluged by calls from fellow senators offering to endorse him in exchange for the vice presidential nod.
Cuba held parliamentary elections throughout the island Sunday. There was only one name on the ballot in each district and no campaigning allowed. For the forty-ninth year Fidel Castro was unanimously elected president by a vote of one to nothing.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton