Jewish World Review January 18, 2008 / 11 Shevat 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
UFOs were seen by dozens of people in the skies over central Texas Monday. The ships were described as huge and shiny and lightning fast. The only explanation science can offer is that the Germans were showing off again at the Detroit Auto Show.
The Food and Drug Administration ruled Tuesday that cloned sheep and cloned cattle are safe to eat. It's scary. If cloning is successfully tested on humans we could be alternating Bushes and Clintons in the White House for the next two thousand years.
President Bush flew to Egypt Wednesday where he was greeted by President Hosni Mubarek on landing. It was his eighth country on the trip. President Bush kissed so many Arab men this week that he was mistaken for Princess Diana at three of his stops.
O.J. Simpson was hauled in front of a female judge Wednesday in Clark County Courthouse in Las Vegas, where she gave him a scalding lecture assailing his common sense and intelligence. The woman ripped him to shreds. What goes around comes around.
The American Civil Liberties Union said Wednesday that sex in a public bathroom stall is private and legal. It's sad. All the work that public health officials did to convince people they cannot get AIDS from a toilet seat is pretty much down the drain.
The Green Bay Packers host the New York Giants Sunday on the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, where the weatherman is forecasting a high of twelve degrees and a low of five degrees. Summer up there is pretty short. It generally falls on Tuesday.
The American Red Cross announced Wednesday it is having to cut staff jobs due to a decline in donations last year. What could people do? After their mortgage lenders came after their blood in the fourth quarter, there was little left for the Red Cross.
Hillary Clinton won the debate with Barack Obama and John Edwards Tuesday. She somehow got Obama to give up the race issue and Edwards to stop saying how poor he used to be. All women have to do is threaten to cry and men just do whatever they say.
Hillary Clinton told Tyra Banks this week she'll hold a contest to pick a name to call her husband if she's elected president. She was humoring the host. No one seriously thinks Hillary Clinton needs any help thinking of names to call her husband.
President Bush hailed Palestinians for their new democracy Monday. It's a noble experiment. The idea is to take a nation that's one-third snipers, one-third bomb makers and one-third kidnappers and see what happens when you give them majority rule.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton