Jewish World Review January 4, 2008 / 26 Teves, 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Iowa caucuses began choosing the next president Thursday amid grumbling that Iowa has too much power. It's hugely white and has the nation's highest literacy and graduation rates. They will never pick a president who represents the American people.
Los Angeles counted down the New Year in style Monday. Hours after New Yorkers watched the crystal ball come down, thousands gathered in Beverly Hills to see the value of their houses come down. Everyone began the countdown together at ten million.
Roger Clemens was invited Monday to speak to a Texas baseball coaches' convention banquet after he denied using steroids. Injecting steroids seems to be rampant in Texas. Just Wednesday, the price of oil shot up to a hundred and you know it had help.
Hillary Clinton handed out bagels to her volunteers on the day before the Iowa caucuses. She had a difficult last week. Hillary Clinton wants to be seen as a great female leader but the Secret Service won't let her stick her head out of the sunroof.
General Pervez Musharraf blamed terrorists Thursday for the killing of Benazir Bhutto. She left a note blaming him if she were ever killed. In Pervez Musharraf's defense, Benazir Bhutto had a lot of nerve going around in public with her head unshot.
San Francisco police said Thursday they found slingshots in the hip pockets of all three victims of the tiger attack. The slaughter was so unnecessary. Those boys would not have had slingshots if San Francisco had not cracked down on handguns.
The Passenger Bill of Rights just became law in New York, giving air travelers the right to air, water and clean bathrooms. They shouldn't have mentioned it. The White House hadn't even thought of eliminating these rights and now they're kicking it around.
New Jersey's Assembly debated a bill to make New Jersey the first northern state to apologize for slavery. The state outlawed slavery forty years before the Civil War. It is something nobody knew until there were no black characters on The Sopranos.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton