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Jewish World Review
January 10, 2008
/ 3 Shevat 5768
Hillary schedules official crying jag for South Carolina
By
Andy Borowitz
Launches ‘Sniffling Tour’ before SuperDuper Tuesday
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Saying that she has learned valuable lessons from her victory in the New Hampshire
primary, Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) today announced that she was scheduling an
official crying jag for the eve of the South Carolina primary on January 26.
Speaking to reporters in Las Vegas this morning, her eyes noticeably watery, Mrs.
Clinton said that her election eve crying jag would be scheduled for 4 PM EST on
January 25.
But the newly lachrymose junior senator from New York indicated that her South
Carolinian waterworks would only be one stop on an ambitious tear-drenched campaign
schedule leading up to SuperDuper Tuesday on February 5, an itinerary which she and
her aides are calling her "Sniffling Tour."
"I'm going to be crying so much you're going to think I'm Anderson Cooper," she wept.
But even as Mrs. Clinton said that "this election is a crying game, and I'm in it to
win it," some political observers wondered if the New York senator would be able to
cry at will as often as her punishing schedule demands.
According to strategist Mark Penn, a trusted group of campaign aides would have the
job of inducing tears from Mrs. Clinton by "saying mean things to her" before every
appearance.
Additionally, Mr. Penn says, Mrs. Clinton has a secret weapon in her latest
endeavor, former president Bill Clinton: "No one can make Hillary cry like Bill
can."
Elsewhere, denying reports that he was scaling back his presidential campaign,
former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney said that he was making "a major media buy
at Kinko's."
Andy's Archives
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2007, Andy Borowitz
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