Jewish World Review Jan. 10, 2007 / 20 Teves, 5767

Road signs

By Celia Rivenbark

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Listen up, hons: A new study concludes that there's a definite link between a person's astrological sign and how well they drive.

Turns out that, statistically speaking, Leos are the best drivers on the road and Libras are the very worst.

My own sign, Virgo, known for uncommon wisdom and restraint in all matters except perhaps the reading of "Soap Opera Digest" and eating fried pickles with ranch dressing, was a rather lackluster fourth-best.

When hubby saw these results, he strutted about, as Leos are wont to do. I didn't have the heart to remind him that he'd gotten the last family speeding ticket a few months ago AND had recently returned my car with a missing side mirror because he hit an AMBULANCE.

Overall, my Leo really is a very good driver (Hey, that ambulance was asking for it.)

The speeding ticket was another matter. When the officer asked him how fast he was going, hubby, thinking the limit was 55, said, "60?" and the officer said, "That's right." Hubby breathed a sigh of relief and envisioned a warning ticket in his future. Sadly, the speed limit for that particular stretch of highway was 35. D'Oh!

What does it all mean? Well, as we all know the auto insurance industry is forever on the lookout for ways to ensure that its clients are paying the lowest possible premiums so you should probably bring the study to the attention of your agent the next time you're up for renewal. I'm sure the agent will hasten to reduce your policy unless he has choked on his own laughter and dropped dead. If you're a Libra, lay low and hope the insurance company never learns about your shame or you'll wind up steering a smoke-spewing drunk bike along the side of the highway with the other losers.

I'm just saying.

Gemini and Cancer were second and third best, respectively, which makes me feel hopeful about my Gemini daughter's driving future. However, she will never be allowed to ride with Libras or the others in the bottom three: Aries (No. 10) and Aquarius (No. 11). She also won't be riding with Scorpio men because everyone knows they just have one thing on their mind.

In the middle of the pack in order from 5-9 were Capricorn, Sagittarius, Taurus, Scorpio and Pisces.

The study by Insurance Hotline looked at 100,000 drivers over six years and deduced that Leos are such great drivers because they are "generous and comfortable in sharing the roadway." Aries, however, are cursed with a "me first" childlike nature that doesn't work well behind the wheel.

Hey, don't blame me; I'm just the messenger, the tidy, fuss-budgety, somewhat anal-retentive messenger.