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Jewish World Review Jan. 25, 2007 / 6 Shevat, 5767 Proper spelling begins at home By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My daughter just brought home a rather long-winded explanation of what is expected of fourth-graders on the upcoming big fancy standardized writing test. I've read it, like, eight times and I still don't understand it, which means that either (A) I have the brains of sweater fuzz or (B) This thing really makes no sense. On account of me being a perfessional writer-type person, I was eager to learn about the writing test but got stopped by the heading "Classroom Assessment Analytic Rubric." I have no idea what a rubric is. Maybe it has something to do with a Rubric's cube, but then, what would an obscure toy from the 80s have to do with writing? It's all tres confusing. The writing test is given to students in grades 4, 7 and 10, and parents are urged to work with teachers to make sure that students don't blow it by using sentence fragments, run-on sentences or other no-no's. Or is that no's-no? This example of using a word the wrong way was included in the, er, rubric: "He wanted to sale the boat." Maybe that's wrong; maybe not. If this is a Southern student, he might not want to "sail" the boat as snooty test-writers assume. He might want to fix up that rusty-butt john boat behind Paw-Paw's shed and "sell" the boat. In the South, we pronounce that "sale" so there should be some geographical leeway, so to speak. It's also important to use pronouns correctly. The example of using a pronoun incorrectly was: "John and myself went to school." They didn't give the reason for why this was wrong so I can only assume that if a fourth-grader ever said that sentence to another fourth-grader, he'd get the snot beat out of him for being uppity, the kind of kid who would brag about getting to sale his boat for big money. Another frequent problem with student writing is "incorrect formulations" such as "hisself, theirselves and bestest." Well, that's just about the worstest idea I ever heard. I LOVE those words. Again, I sniff a geographical bias here. What right-thinking Southerner has never uttered the word "hisself" as in "John caught hisself on the barbed wire trying to get away from that bull"? There is simply no suitable substitute. Because it wasn't listed, I'm hoping that the test will allow the use of another favorite Southernism: "theyselves", which, of course, is the pluperfect plural subjunctive of the verb "they." An example of correct usage would be: "They saw theyselves on `Cops' and weren't even embarrassed about it." I'll help my daughter study for this test. Just remember: If she doesn't do well, it want my fault. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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