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February 13, 2012
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Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
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Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
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January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
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Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
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Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
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Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
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Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
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Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
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Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
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Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
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Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
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Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
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January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Jan. 20, 2006
/ 20 Teves, 5766
Inviting trouble
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
From my voice mail last month:
"Hi, Gene! This is Erin Tracy from Regan Communications in Boston! I wanted to talk to you about a New Year's Eve party Olives is throwing! And we have a lot of VIP guests and champagne! And Olives is also debuting a brand-new menu item, the Crispy Denver Lamb Spareribs and a brand-new drink called the Belvedere Sunset! And I wanted to chat with you about covering the event!"
I called her back.
Me: Why did you contact me with this vital news?
Erin: Well, I think your title is food and lifestyles editor?
Me: No, it isn't. At some point in the past, some idiot put my name in a PR reference book, listing me as some dippy lifestyles expert. I've tried to get this listing expunged, without any success so far. I keep getting calls like yours. I am at my wit's end. Maybe we can solve this problem for good, right now.
Erin: Okay!
Me: The fact is, I write humor. Everything I write makes fun of someone or something. If I wrote about this party, I would probably make fun of your client in an extremely hostile and unfair way. In fact, I am taking this all down and plan to write about our conversation, in the hope no PR person will ever dare call me again.
Erin: Oh, no!
Me: So my first question is, Why would any human being with any life at all have any interest in the fact that some VIPs will be attending a party? "Celebrities Amuse Themselves Again" doesn't seem like an interesting headline, does it?
Erin: I'll have to call you back.
Later, the phone rings.
Jon Tapper: Hi, I'm Erin's boss. You should know it's not just celebrities. The party is open to the public. I can make sure you're invited.
Me: I don't want to be invited. Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll start with a softball question. Is Olives a good restaurant, and why?
Jon: Olives is a fantastic restaurant! It features award-winning Tuscan cuisine from Chef Todd English! See, people want Tuscany because . . .
Me: Yeah, yeah. Does the restaurant care that the little lambs whose crispy ribs they are serving probably died screaming?
Jon:
Me: Well?
Jon: If you're ordering Todd's new crispy lamb ribs, which really are fantastic, you're thinking about the lamb on your plate and not how it got there.
Me: Let's talk about the Belvedere Sunset. What is in it, how good does it taste, and how much does it cost?
Jon: It has Belvedere citrus vodka, Grand Marnier, elder flower nectar which is similar to honeysuckle cranberry juice and fresh lime. It will be free at the party, but Olives is probably going to be charging $12 for it afterward. I predict it is going to be the drink of the year for 2006. It tastes like watching a sunset over a beautiful beach.
Me: Swell. So, I have an idea. What if Olives tells its fancy guests that the restaurant will donate $12 to Katrina relief for every patron who will say he was going to order a Belvedere Sunset but just has a nice glass of water instead? Wouldn't that be great? Can I put that in the newspaper?
Jon:
Me: One more question. How do you think your average GI in Iraq, who is having trouble getting sufficient body armor to protect him from sicko suicide bombers who are intent on destroying what they see as the decadent, Western lifestyle would feel about Olives hosting an opulent New Year's Eve party, making windfall profits that could instead be going to help our troops stay alive?
Jon: Well, actually, I just returned from six months in Afghanistan.
Me: You did?
Jon: Yeah. I was working with coalition forces and the Afghan government to set up a communications section over there. It was the most rewarding work I've ever done.
Me: But . . .
Jon: I was there during July 4th and Memorial Day, and I knew my friends and family back home were having fun, and I didn't begrudge them that. I was jealous I couldn't be with them. I know they were thinking about me, just as everyone in America on New Year's Eve will be thinking about the troops.
Me:
Jon: Hello?
Me: You just ruined my column.
Jon: I did?
Me: You won, fair and square. Now I'll never get my name off that stupid PR list.
Jon: I'm sorry.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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