Jewish World Review Jan. 31, 2006 / 2 Shevat, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa will respond to the State of the Union address in Spanish. His career may be over in Los Angeles. Now that Hamas has won control of the Palestinian Assembly, the Crips are talking to James Carville and Paul Begala.

Tiger Woods began a new ad promotion for Buick on Sunday in which every time he wins he gives away his personal Buick to a contest winner. It never has more than seven miles on it. That's how far it is from one end of his garage to the other.

The White House threatened Sunday to cut off aid to the new Hamas government elected by the Palestinian voters last week. Many of the new legislators were doing prison time before they got elected. In America we do it the other way around.

Saddam Hussein threw a fit in front of his new presiding judge during his trial in Baghdad Sunday. He's angry about asset seizures. Two billion dollars has been recovered in what prison guards later described as the cavity search from hell.

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi issued a stunning campaign promise on television Saturday. He promised that he won't have sex until after the next election. This is the Italian equivalent of Bill Clinton renewing his marriage vows.