Jewish World Review Jan. 27, 2006 / 27 Teves, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Super Bowl ticket offers on Thursday included a luxury suite at Ford Stadium in Detroit. For only two hundred thousand dollars you can have a twenty-seat suite for the game. When Jack Abramoff holds a liquidation sale, everything must go.

Tiger Woods began his season on Thursday at the Buick Invitational at Torrey Pines Golf Club within the city limits of La Jolla. The event can described as semi-private. The golf course is public but you have to be a member to get into town.

Barry Bonds, it was announced Monday, may star in his own reality show on ESPN during baseball season. This should be fun. There will be all the usual good-natured needling in the clubhouse, followed by an effort to get rid of the syringes.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was heckled at Georgetown Law School, where he gave a speech on Tuesday. Several students in the audience wore black hoods and turned their backs. They looked like a board meeting at the Ford Motor Company.

Mexico's government Wednesday printed a map of routes to help illegal aliens get to Arizona. The map marks trails and beacons and water tanks. These workers are desperately needed in the United States, otherwise we'll never get the wall built.

Southern California beaches were battered by high waves Thursday. Geologists blame it on seismic activity several miles inland. It's the clearest evidence yet that John Wayne is spinning in his grave ever since Brokeback Mountain came out.