Jewish World Review Jan. 20, 2006 / 20 Teves, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said Monday New Orleans will again be a chocolate city. He wants to cash in on the obesity epidemic. If chocolate can do for New Orleans what cocaine did for Miami, their budget problems will be over by Fat Tuesday.

New York Knicks' player Antonio Davis ran into the stands Wednesday night to confront a heckler. It was handled swiftly. Thanks to the new NBA dress code, players can go straight from the locker room to the courtroom without having to change clothes.

William Shatner went onstage at a charity auction Sunday and sold his kidney stone for twenty-five thousand dollars. He doesn't want this getting around Hollywood. The kidney stone did better in its first weekend out than his last movie.

The Miss America Pageant will be telecast live from the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas Saturday night on the Strip. They say it's all about education. The winner will be offered a ten million dollar scholarship to study under the Sultan of Brunei.

Democrats proposed a lobbying reform bill Wednesday to match the GOP bill. They all face a tough choice. Honest congressmen sleep a lot better at night than crooked congressmen, but crooked congressmen have a lot more fun when they are awake.

Hillary Clinton said Monday the Republicans run the House of Representatives like a plantation. This won't help her presidential bid in the South. If she goes around revealing everything she saw in Arkansas she's nothing but a Yankee spy.

The European Union voted Wednesday to join the U.S. and Britain's condemnation of Iran's nuclear program. There's a reason for the turnabout. The French have softened their opposition to cowboy rhetoric ever since they saw Brokeback Mountain.

The Golden Globes gave the Best Picture award to a movie about gay cowboys. Best Actor went for the role of Capote and Best Actress to a woman playing a transvestite. Now the only suspense is whether Oscar is going to run off to Vermont with Tony.