Jewish World Review Jan. 20, 2006 / 20 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said Monday New Orleans will
again be a chocolate city. He wants to cash in on the obesity
epidemic. If chocolate can do for New Orleans what cocaine did for
Miami, their budget problems will be over by Fat Tuesday.
New York Knicks' player Antonio Davis ran into the stands
Wednesday night to confront a heckler. It was handled swiftly.
Thanks to the new NBA dress code, players can go straight from the
locker room to the courtroom without having to change clothes.
William Shatner went onstage at a charity auction Sunday and
sold his kidney stone for twenty-five thousand dollars. He doesn't
want this getting around Hollywood. The kidney stone did better in
its first weekend out than his last movie.
The Miss America Pageant will be telecast live from the
Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas Saturday night on the Strip. They say
it's all about education. The winner will be offered a ten million
dollar scholarship to study under the Sultan of Brunei.
Democrats proposed a lobbying reform bill Wednesday to match
the GOP bill. They all face a tough choice. Honest congressmen
sleep a lot better at night than crooked congressmen, but crooked
congressmen have a lot more fun when they are awake.
Hillary Clinton said Monday the Republicans run the House of
Representatives like a plantation. This won't help her
presidential bid in the South. If she goes around revealing
everything she saw in Arkansas she's nothing but a Yankee spy.
The European Union voted Wednesday to join the U.S. and
Britain's condemnation of Iran's nuclear program. There's a reason
for the turnabout. The French have softened their opposition to
cowboy rhetoric ever since they saw Brokeback Mountain.
The Golden Globes gave the Best Picture award to a movie about gay cowboys. Best Actor went for the role of Capote and Best Actress to a woman playing a transvestite. Now the only suspense is whether Oscar is going to run off to Vermont with Tony.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton