Jewish World Review Jan. 16, 2006 / 16 Teves, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Miss America Pageant will be broadcast Saturday from its new home in the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas. It's weird to see something this wholesome in Las Vegas. On the Clark County courthouse lawn they have a statue of Bugsy the Lawgiver.

Brad Pitt confirmed news reports Thursday that his girlfriend Angelina Jolie is pregnant with his child. He wanted to end all the rumors. Every few days he gets a call from Tom Cruise asking him if he'd like to do a cowboy movie together.

General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner warned Wall Street analysts Friday of higher costs in automobile production. The price of airbags is going up. Every time a congressman gets indicted for consorting with lobbyists, there's one less on the market.

Senator Teddy Kennedy said he will publish a children's book co-written by his Portuguese Water Dog whose name is Splash. Democrats are mortified. It's just one more reminder that if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen Beetle he'd be president today.

The Washington Post said Marion Barry tested positive for cocaine again last week. The legendary city councilman demanded the test. Marion Barry is about to enter the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest elected cocaine addict in history.

Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush announced Thursday that he will leave USC and enter the NFL college player draft. He could get a signing bonus of twenty million dollars. That's how hard it is to get people to leave Los Angeles in January.

The Seattle Post limited mention of the Washington Redskins by their Redskin nickname to once per article last week. The publisher means well. His heart's in the right place, but the deed to the newspaper's property is in an arrow-proof safe.

Bill Clinton drew crowds in Paris when he walked down the Champs Elysee last weekend. He's one of a kind. Bill Clinton is the only man in Washington whose wife gave him a dirty look on Thursday when Angelina Jolie announced she was pregnant.

The North American International Auto Show got underway in Detroit Wednesday as carmakers showed off their new SUVs. No wonder Iran is preparing for war. They saw the size of next year's Chevy Tahoes and they know Iraq can't feed them all.

Mehmet Ali Agca was released from prison Thursday, twenty- five years after he shot Pope John Paul II. The Bulgarian had been hired to kill the pope by the Soviet Union KGB. Who could ever forget the KGB's version that the pope fired first.