Jewish World Review Jan. 16, 2006 / 16 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Miss America Pageant will be broadcast Saturday from its
new home in the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas. It's weird to see
something this wholesome in Las Vegas. On the Clark County
courthouse lawn they have a statue of Bugsy the Lawgiver.
Brad Pitt confirmed news reports Thursday that his
girlfriend Angelina Jolie is pregnant with his child. He wanted to
end all the rumors. Every few days he gets a call from Tom Cruise
asking him if he'd like to do a cowboy movie together.
General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner warned Wall Street analysts
Friday of higher costs in automobile production. The price of
airbags is going up. Every time a congressman gets indicted for
consorting with lobbyists, there's one less on the market.
Senator Teddy Kennedy said he will publish a children's book
co-written by his Portuguese Water Dog whose name is Splash.
Democrats are mortified. It's just one more reminder that if Ted
Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen Beetle he'd be president today.
The Washington Post said Marion Barry tested positive for
cocaine again last week. The legendary city councilman demanded
the test. Marion Barry is about to enter the Guinness Book of
World Records as the oldest elected cocaine addict in history.
Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush announced Thursday that he
will leave USC and enter the NFL college player draft. He could
get a signing bonus of twenty million dollars. That's how hard it
is to get people to leave Los Angeles in January.
The Seattle Post limited mention of the Washington Redskins
by their Redskin nickname to once per article last week. The
publisher means well. His heart's in the right place, but the deed
to the newspaper's property is in an arrow-proof safe.
Bill Clinton drew crowds in Paris when he walked down the
Champs Elysee last weekend. He's one of a kind. Bill Clinton is
the only man in Washington whose wife gave him a dirty look on
Thursday when Angelina Jolie announced she was pregnant.
The North American International Auto Show got underway in
Detroit Wednesday as carmakers showed off their new SUVs. No
wonder Iran is preparing for war. They saw the size of next year's
Chevy Tahoes and they know Iraq can't feed them all.
Mehmet Ali Agca was released from prison Thursday, twenty- five years after he shot Pope John Paul II. The Bulgarian had been hired to kill the pope by the Soviet Union KGB. Who could ever forget the KGB's version that the pope fired first.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton