Jewish World Review Jan. 11, 2006 / 11 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Texas Longhorns quarterback Vince Young announced Sunday he
will leave school now and enter the NFL draft. It's not that big a
deal. Star college quarterbacks are so common that you can
generally get one on eBay with each congressman you buy.
Tom DeLay resigned as House Majority Leader Saturday, saying
the job was too important to be hamstrung by distractions. The
scandal is mushrooming out of control. When Bill Clinton was
accused of being crooked, only Paula Jones was willing to testify.
Judge Sam Alito heard eighteen senators' speeches at his
confirmation hearings on Monday. He impressed viewers by his
refusal to promote himself. Modesty is a trait widely believed in
Los Angeles to be the first sign of clinical depression.
Senator George Allen obtained a federal grant to build a
Civil War Center in Richmond. A more balanced view of this war is
necessary. Right now people are so angry at Washington they can't
get anybody to play the North in reenactment battles.
Ted Kennedy said he will publish a children's book this
spring called A Dog's-Eye View of Washington, which he co-wrote
with his dog Splash. That's too sick to make up. He must have
named him Splash because Bridge over Troubled Waters was already taken.
San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders complained Friday about San
Diego being ranked a low-risk target for terror by Homeland
Security. It really is a quiet place. Even the road leading into
town, Torrey Pines, sounds like a Protestant air freshener.
NASA's Stardust spacecraft will release a hundred-pound capsule of collected comet dust into the earth's atmosphere Friday. No one knows what the dust does to you. It sounds like we are trying to reduce our dependence on the Andes for our disco needs.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton