Jewish World Review Jan. 10, 2006 / 10 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tom DeLay said Saturday he will resign as GOP Majority
Leader. He's indicted in Texas and implicated in the Washington
D.C. lobbyist scandal. The congressman is stepping down so that he
can spend more time with his family, the James brothers.
The NFL reversed itself and ruled fans of all ages may
surround the stage at the Rolling Stones Super Bowl halftime show.
Earlier the league said nobody over forty-five would be allowed
onto the field. That is, without a Musicians Union card.
Men's Fitness magazine ranked Chicago the fattest city in
America and ranked Baltimore the slimmest city. The magazine's
advertisers are very upset. They do not want to be in a
publication that says meth labs are healthier than steakhouses.
Britain's Liberal Party leader Charles Kennedy said Friday
he has an alcohol problem. It's no surprise. Parliament begins at
ten at night and goes until four in the morning, making it the
only legislature in history that keeps comedians' hours.
Jon Stewart was named to host the Academy Awards in
Hollywood in March. He's famously liberal. The night is such a
Democratic love-fest that New Hampshire is protesting the show as
a violation of its status as the First in the Nation Primary.
Saddam Hussein demanded a firing squad Friday if he is
convicted. He will be missed as a philosopher. Saddam believes if
you build a man a fire he will be warm all evening, but if you set
a man on fire, he will be warm the rest of his life.
The Tigua tribe of Texas asked U.S. congressmen not to give
their donations to charity in the wake of the Abramoff scandal.
The tribe wants its money back. To anyone who's ever been in a
casino, it's another case of what goes around comes around.
NBC News reported that lobbyist Jack Abramoff put
congressional wives on his payroll. He didn't require them to do
any work. They told their children that mommy worked as a
prostitute because they were ashamed to admit they were lobbyists.
Senator John McCain went on a Senate junket to the South Pole last week. Why the South Pole? He made a bet with his fellow senators he could go seven days without being on television, and the withdrawal sweat keeps him warm under his coat.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton