Jewish World Review Jan. 9, 2006 / 9 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Texas Longhorn quarterback Vince Young was pressured Friday
to enter the NFL draft after his Rose Bowl performance. He told
reporters he will do whatever his mother tells him. This time next
year he will be playing for Harvard Medical School.
Daily Show host Jon Stewart was chosen Wednesday to emcee
the Academy Awards this spring. The comedian is widely respected
throughout Hollywood. There are no skeletons in his closet, that's
just Lindsay Lohan waiting to come onto the show.
Britain's Liberal Party leader Charles Kennedy said Friday
he's been battling alcoholism. There have always been open bars in
Parliament just outside the House chamber. The British Empire was
the first to admit that not every problem has a solution.
Congressman Duke Cunningham, it was learned Friday, wore a
wire on Capitol Hill to expose bribery. It's getting so hard for
congressmen to check each other for microphones, shake down
lobbyists, and rob the treasury. They've only got two hands.
Democrats were reluctant to return campaign donations from
disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff last week. Hillary Clinton gave
back two thousand dollars. She is not opposed to clean government
but she's not exactly married to the idea, either.
Democratic Congressman Patrick Kennedy refused to return
forty-two thousand dollars to tribes represented by Jack Abramoff.
It's a family tradition. Some men see a chance to skin an Indian
and say why, and others see the same thing and say why not?
Jack Abramoff expressed respect Tuesday for the Indian
tribes he represented on Capitol Hill. He bribed U.S. congressmen
on their behalf. The scheme unraveled when he tried to secure a
casino license for the New Jersey band of Soprano Indians.
Orange County became a battleground on illegal immigration
Friday when Costa Mesa voted to check the citizenship of everyone
arrested. It's about time. Orange County is the white bread area
and schools are teaching English as a Third Language.
Former Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle revealed Thursday
he has raised two hundred thousand dollars for Democrats running
for re-election. He's a rookie lobbyist now and it shows. Last
month he was asked to lobby for the Apache helicopter and he tried
to get it a casino license.
Capitol Hill lobbyist and power broker Jack Abramoff pleaded
guilty twice to political corruption charges in Washington and
Florida courts last week. That's politics. One week you are on the
cover of Time and the next week you are doing it.
GOP congressmen returned all donations from lobbyist Jack Abramoff Thursday. The lawmakers are determined to avoid any appearance of impropriety. Next time they will make certain nobody in the room has a camera phone when the money changes hands.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton