Jewish World Review Jan. 4, 2006 / 4 Teves, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Rose Parade in Pasadena was hit by monsoon rainstorms
Monday. It caters to a very select clientele. The storm offered no
opportunity for looting since the markets were closed, both the
New York Stock Exchange and the Chicago Mercantile.
Wedding Crashers, about two pals who crash weddings to
seduce the bridesmaids, came out on video Tuesday. The debate has
really shifted. Republicans damned this movie in July for being
immoral but they're hailing it today for being heterosexual.
German newspapers reported Monday the U.S. is asking Turkey
for military bases for a planned attack on Iran. They were bound
to catch us. Trying to sneak a surprise attack 8by Germany is like
trying to tell Robert Downey Jr. the town is dry.
John Kerry was reported Monday to be raising money for
another run at the U.S. presidency, but his wife won't help. She's
wary of the undertaking. She just lost a fortune buying sixty
percent of Springtime for Hitler from some Broadway hotshot.
South Carolina celebrated a new law Sunday that allows
bartenders to pour from full-sized bottles. They had been limited
to mini-bottles. Thus after a century the last act punishing the
South by the Reconstruction Congress is finally off the books.
Judge Sam Alito spent the holidays rehearsing for his
confirmation hearings in the Senate next week. Insiders said he
could talk for long stretches without referring to notes and that
he never touched the water and cookies on the table. Ever since
Harriet Miers choked, he will not eat any cookies he doesn't make himself.
Taiwan president Chen Shui-bian declared he wants to buy anti-missile weapons from the U.S. He wants to prepare for a possible missile attack from China. The U.S. fully supports this guy because he's the only customer we're not losing to China.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton