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Jewish World Review Jan. 25, 2006 / 25 Teves, 5766 Closing the patent office; A blast from the pasta: The song ‘On Top of Spaghetti’ By Jeff Elder http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: I heard a story a long time ago that around the turn of the 20th century, the U.S. Patent Office closed down, citing the fact that everything that could be invented already had been. Is there any truth to that?! — C.R. Crouse A: C.R., it's a myth. But a widespread one, springing from a Patent Office commissioner's words. In 1843, Patent honcho Henry Ellsworth told Congress that innovation was advancing so fast that it "seems to presage the arrival of that period when human improvement must end." He was dabbling in a little hyperbole. According to the Patent Office, Ellsworth said this "to emphasize the growing number of patents as presented in the rest of (his) report. He even outlined specific areas in which he expected patent activity to increase in the future." Some inventive minds took his words out of context, and a tall tale sprouted up. The Patent Office says recent publications have attributed a quote that everything had been invented already to a later commissioner, Charles Duell, who supposedly said this in 1899. (This might be where you got your turn-of-the-century link.) The Patent Office folks say "there is absolutely no basis to support Duell's alleged statement." Just goes to show ya how some folks won't let the facts get in the way of a good story. But there are some great facts behind inventions: In 1873, Chester Greenwood, a Maine teen-ager, found that his ears got cold while ice skating. He got a piece of wire, and with his grandmother's help, padded the ends. People laughed, but Chester applied for a patent. As an adult, Chester's factory made ear muffs, and ear muffs made Chester rich. Josephine Dickson, an inexperienced cook, often burned and cut herself. Her husband, Earl Dickson, a Johnson & Johnson employee, began to prepare bandages ahead of time so that his wife could apply them by herself. By combining a piece of surgical tape and a piece of gauze, he fashioned the first crude adhesive strip bandage in 1921. Soon afterward, Johnson & Johnson marketed Band-Aids. Inspired by Leonardo da Vinci's drawings, 19-year-old Igor Sikorsky designed and built a helicopter in 1909. It didn't fly. But he stuck with his dream, and 30 years later changed aviation history. A female chemist indirectly saved the lives of many soldiers and police officers. Stephanie Kwolek, working for DuPont, discovered Kevlar in 1965. The material has five times the strength of steel, and is used in bulletproof vests. And finally, next time you're driving in the rain, say thanks to Mary Anderson. She invented windshield wipers in 1903 - when cars were still relatively rare. Many laughed at her invention, saying it would distract drivers. But by 1913, windshield wipers were standard equipment on cars! SOURCE: The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office Q: Where does the song "On Top of Spaghetti" come from? — Sister Therese Poli, Waukesha, Wis. A: Sister, thanks to you, a whole buncha people are now humming a song they haven't thought of in years. As you might recall, it's sung to the tune of one of the great American folk songs, "On Top Of Old Smokey." Folk singer Tom Glazer wrote the lyrics to the spaghetti ditty. They begin like this: On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, and onto the floor And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door. Now, a lot of Q&A columns (beware imitations!) would end right there, with all you good people wondering what in the world happened to the poor meatball. But not us at Glad You Asked, no sirree! For one thing, I love meatballs. And for another, following this one leads us down a saucy path, fragrant and juicy with trivia. "On Top of Spaghetti" peaked at No. 14 on Billboard magazine's pop music chart in 1963. And the song's staying power was demonstrated by its inclusion in Mike Meyer's 2002 movie "Austin Powers: Goldmember." But Tom Glazer was no flash in the pan, no one-meatball wonder. He was an important figure in helping popularize folk music - along with greats like Leadbelly, Woody Guthrie and Burl Ives. He worked at the Library of Congress and befriended Alan Lomax, who established the library's archive of American folk songs. Glazer died in 2003 at 88. But there's something else you should know about him ... (HERE COMES THE TRIVIA!) He composed songs for "A Face In the Crowd," the movie that made Andy Griffith famous. If you haven't seen this 1957 film, you should. Director Elia Kazan and writer Budd Schulberg, who collaborated on "On The Waterfront," made this unsettling portrayal of fame's dark and corrupting effects. Griffith is unforgettable as Lonesome Rhodes, a down-home comedian-philosopher who charms his way up the ladder of success — only to reveal a ruthless side. The film boasts a great cast, with Patricia Neal, Walter Matthau and Lee Remick. (Another movie with a great spaghetti and meatball connection: "Lady And The Tramp." That accidental kiss!) Oh, what happened to the meatball, you ask? In the song, it rolls into a garden and sprouts a tree: The tree was all covered with beautiful moss. It grew great big meatballs and tomato sauce. I'd munch on a branch, wood you? SOURCES: ASSOCIATED PRESS, CNN, INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Jeff Elder is a columnist for The Charlotte Observer. Comment or try to stump him by clicking here. If you send him a great question, he'll send you a Glad You Asked T-shirt. Archives © 2006, The Charlotte Observer Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services.

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