Jewish World Review Jan. 6, 2005 / 25 Teves, 5765

‘Palestinians’ rise up against Richard Gere

By Andy Borowitz

Angry mob smashes Pretty Woman DVDs

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | One day after actor Richard Gere released a television commercial in which he ordered the Palestinian people to go out and vote, Palestinians in the Gaza Strip staged a violent uprising against the Hollywood star.

Mr. Gere's commercial, in which he said, "Hi, I'm Richard Gere and I'm speaking for the entire world," infuriated Palestinian militants, who were seen smashing "Pretty Woman" DVDs and shouting anti-Gere slogans throughout Gaza today.

While Mr. Gere's high-handed command may not succeed in motivating Palestinians to go to the polls, it could ultimately foster peace in the Middle East, since many Palestinians now hate Richard Gere more than they hate Israel.

"For years, I thought that Ariel Sharon was the enemy," said Abed Zobaidi, 29. "Now I realize that the real enemy is that 'American Gigolo' bastard."

If Mr. Gere has in fact redirected the Palestinians' rage away from Israel and towards himself, he may be a strong candidate for the next Nobel Peace Prize, experts said.

But it was all in a day's work for the busy actor, who today broadcast a commercial ordering Peruvian insurgents to end their occupation of the town of Andahuaylas, and another in which he demanded that India and Pakistan end their decades-long dispute over Kashmir.

In Hollywood, veteran talent agent Buddy Schlantz said the world should not be surprised by Mr. Gere's recent spate of bossy pronouncements: "Like all actors, what he really wants to do is direct."

Elsewhere, amazed that the Mars rover has lasted much longer than anyone expected, NASA scientists changed the name of the rover from Spirit to Rumsfeld.