 |
|
February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Jan. 14, 2004
/ 20 Teves, 5764
‘Middle-aged dummy’ wants to hold a job; divorcée won't accept responsibility; kids hope their divorced parents would grow-up
By Wendy Belzberg
 
|
http://www.jewishworldreview.com |
Q: I am 44 years old, and I have never been able to hold a job for more than two weeks. I have tried doing more things than I could ever list; my resume is more than 37 pages long. Therapy is a joke: All any therapist wants to hear about is how much I hate my parents — which I do not. I don't want handouts; I want to work for my meals and a roof over my head. I am running out of employers who will hire a middle-aged dummy. I don't know where to turn or what to do.
A: You have taken the first step: You have acknowledged that you are the common denominator. This takes a lot of self-awareness and courage and immediately precludes the possibility that you are truly a dummy. You may indeed have a limited attention span, a limited skill set or limited social skills. You are also probably so far down the path of self-fulfilling prophecy that there is no reason even to apply for a new job until you are closer to understanding why you are determined to fail.
Saying that therapy is a joke is the equivalent of saying that all food tastes the same. There are as many brands of therapy as there are varieties of restaurant. I recommend seeing an expert in behavior modification: someone who can help you get past the first two weeks of a new job without sabotaging yourself; someone who can help talk you through strategies for how to avoid repeating past behaviors. If employers are willing to hire you — and with a 37-page resume they clearly are — they can't all be wrong.
Q: A friend of mine is going through her second divorce. Every time I start a conversation about how to avoid a third divorce she blames her problems on her parents' failed marriage and on her childhood. Short of taking her by the shoulders and shaking her silly, is there an appropriate response?
A: No doubt your friend was profoundly affected by her childhood — as children have a habit of being — and by her parents' failed marriage. If she is old enough to have two divorces under her belt, one would hope that she is old enough to assume responsibility for her own choices — and her own mistakes. That reckoning, however, has nothing to do with age. Some people never learn to stop blaming others for the mistakes they themselves have made. Your best bet is to begin by sympathizing with your friend. Ultimately you will need to nudge her toward the realization that she, and she alone, is in charge of her own destiny. If you fail in that mission, take comfort in knowing that your friend has many kindred spirits in the world.
Q: My parents were divorced more than 13 years ago, and both are happily remarried. Their divorce was bitter, and they never saw or spoke to each other after it was finalized. My brother and I would like them to make peace so that we can celebrate our family occasions in the presence of both of our parents. Is it fair of us to ask them to kiss and make up?
A: It doesn't matter how old you and your brother are, the phrase "for the sake of the children" still applies — perhaps more now than ever. If both of your parents are in fact happily remarried to other people, it is more than reasonable for you to ask them to leave their bitter past behind. No one is suggesting that they become best friends — or vacation together. Expecting them to kiss and make up may even be a stretch. However, it is perfectly reasonable to ask — if not insist — that they mellow, mature and move on, momentarily. You may need to remind them that they are the grown-ups and you are the children, and that it is time for them to start acting their ages — and assuming their joint parental roles.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Ask Wendy a question — almost any question —
by clicking here.
Ask Wendy Archives
© 2004, Wendy Belzberg
|
